Shanty of the Doomed Influencers
A cheerful ditty about a boat party's horrid end - due to indecisiveness
[Sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island]
Put up yer feet and I’ll tell a tale T’will chill ye to the bone, About some louts who bummed about ... T’were always on their phones (always on their phones) The party boat was rockin’ hard With updates sent and read, Yet weren’t be long before that ship Lay on the oceans bed (on the oceans bed) The screen fiends they did prance about Not hearing of the sound, A warning bell unheeded... Transfixed by Instagram (fixed by Instagram) A crunching sound accompanied The groaning from the deck The hull itself been torn in twain The Irish would say “feck” (Irish would say “feck”) If they could keep their yacht afloat They’d make it to the quay But none could choose what to eject Due to terminology (terminology) While in their hands they held the very things that should be threwn - Yet without they could not influence. And thus they did impugn (thus they did impugn) As the ship did sink they made arguments on the bits they couldn’t ditch... Were implants flotsam? Tripods jetsam? Ring lights lagan? (on the floor) Was botox booty? Gimbals derelict? Indecision was their doom. The salvage crews did tut their heads Once bodies had been hauled. The derelict pile of selfie sticks Unwanted by them all (unwanted by them all) So pay ye heed this tale of dread It’s message clear as day Don’t argue ‘er minutia Just throw that shit away (throw that shit away) Just - throw - that - shit - away!
Written in response to the prompt: flotsam, jetsam, lagan, derelict